FemDom Spanking Letters - Volume Thirty One
Readers Note: These letters are all real. The actual identities, parts of stories and names are disguised. I post letters so that we can share with each other and not feel so alone in our passion for spanking. These letters can be helpful for you to learn from the experiences of others.
Rest assured that your email to me is strictly confidential.
If you DO NOT want me to post a letter (even in disguise) please tell me. Your
limits, boundaries and discretion are always my first priority. I thank all of you in advance
for your thoughtful and insightful emails. Together we can learn from each other.
Your fantasy is not uncommon. Many of us combine some kind of sexuality with spanking. I do not combine the two in my professional sessions because a professional session is indeed about spanking. However, I am well aware that there is definitely an arousal for all of us adult spankos while we are playing. Why else would we do this? Never forget that adult spanking is connected to adult sexuality. Some of us are more overt in our desires than others. But no matter what - adult spanking is an adult fetish. Period and end of story.
You are a pure fetishist in that you mention there's little variation about what you like. Many of us indeed have repetitive type fantasies. We have very specific words, phrases or role plays that we play over and over again in our minds. We're a little compulsive in our thinking but that's what turns us on. The good news is that we can also have 'straight' sex while the fantasy re-plays in our mind. Thoughts never hurt anyone.
So, Robert, enjoy what you enjoy and don't allow anyone to label or tell you what's right or wrong. Sexuality is individual. It's yours to cherish and enjoy.
Men and women like all kinds of things when it comes to sexuality. There is no set pattern and there is no right or wrong. Society likes us to conform to rigid standards but truthfully sex is highly individual. Today it's believed that genetics plays a large role as to why we are prone to fetishes and sexual desires out of the norm.
I can assure you that many men (and women) enjoy being spanked. Some were spanked as kids; others were not. Generally speaking the spanking fetish develops early in life. Oftentimes, it stems from the 'mystery' of actually hearing or hearing about someone else getting spanked. There's something mysterious about the concept of going over someone's lap and bottoms being bared. Other people like spanking for the ritual, humiliation and embarrassment of being punished. Still others, simply enjoy the sensation and being pushed to the limit of pain. You and your guy can explore together what spanking represents to him. It's highly individualistic. This particular guy has expressed interest in anal play which is also something that you can get into if that's within your comfort level.
So are the boundaries. Again, that's established between the two of you. Adult spanking is a bedroom activity between two consenting adults. You will be performing spanking in terms of a couple relationship. That generally means that the spanking will be used as some kind of foreplay. It might also be employed to foster your role in a dominant domestic situation. Spanking is as private as any sexual activity. My recommendation is to play safe and keep it within the privacy of your own home.
Thanks for being in touch. I hope this internet meeting blossoms into a happy, long term coupling.
I remember when I was young and had been staying at my friends house that my friend was told to go upstairs by his mother after he had taken some cookies off the counter that she had told him to leave alone. I waited a few moments then followed them upstairs. I witnessed a spanking. The image was very powerful, frightening to me, and I have always wondered if that is where the fantasy started (I always was attracted to that woman).
I think your articles are very informative, very helpful, and I want to thank you for sharing your professional expertise and shedding some light on this subject that has been important to me.
You know from my previous writings that I definitely believe that there is a huge difference between the mindset of someone who likes to be spanked as opposed to someone who enjoys dungeon play. I do want to make it known that dungeon play definitely is more often than not, sensual. It's just different than spanking. Many S/M people play very sensuously with the idea of causing stimulation to various parts of the body. Others like the concept of being a submissive and pleasing another. I am accepting of all sexuality as long as both people are having fun. Like you, I simply choose to stay away from anything I find personally brutal or cruel. It doesn't mean I can't and don't deliver very good, sound, behavior changing spankings. It's just that I administer a spanking in a nurturing way that is more reflective of me.
I really appreciate your thoughtful email and I'm sure my readers will too.
Have you any suggestions as to how we can resolve this in order to get as much pleasure for us both?
Still, the mood thing is an issue. Sometimes I see couples in private sessions who enjoy getting spanked together. It's often exciting to bend over side by side and get a bottom warming together. There are many creative ways to spank a male and female simultaneously. My favorite is to have them stand together face to face, hugging while getting paddled. It's also fun to have one in the corner hearing the other get spanked. Role plays are a blast. Couples get to play a variety or roles including but not limited to bratty students, rebellious co-workers or naughty neighbors.
But a third party is not always possible. I think communication and boundary setting will help you and your lady a great deal. Set up some ground rules. Some couples are OK with switching back and forth during play time. Personally, I think that is the simplest solution for two people who love getting spanked. Just take turns. Each can get a good, substantial spanking without feeling deprived. Think of the old adage, 'turn about is fair play'. The person giving the spanking knows that soon enough, they will have a turn. Likewise, the person getting spanked knows that they will be able to administer the same spanking that they have just received. I think the idea of switching during spanking interactions will be your best solution.
I also acknowledge that some people like to stay in one character during one spanking interlude. In other words, when they are top, they wish to stay in that role the entire session and visa versa. This is difficult for you guys because oftentimes you both want to be top or both want to be bottom. You'll just have to learn to take turns. If it's your role to be top, you need to stay in that character throughout the entire scene. No messing up to cause the other person to have to spank. That's simply being selfish and unfair. You both need to get into a mindset of being respectful and pleasing to your partner's needs and desires.
Talk it over, experiment and see what works best for you. Glad to be of help.
Dear Ms. Jacqueline,
My own spanking experience has been a difficult road. I have been married for about 15 years to a wonderful women. Marriage has been a tough and challenging road alone as it is for many I believe. My wife is accepting of me, but does not understand my feelings well from her own perspective. She will say that she does not understand and thinks that men are kind of crazy about sexual needs overall. She does say that she recognizes that I seem much happier if she spanks me. I am profoundly grateful for this, but do fear that her lack of understanding may pull the plug on my ability to fill this gap through a great relationship with the one that I love. She has alluded at times to me going elsewhere to meet the need, but I want HER to spank me. I also fear of embarking on any relationship in which someone else would spank me out of her presence. Spanking is way too intimate to me, I don't know that I could not find it to be adultery.
I first found the courage to own up to my desire to be spanked by telling my wife about three years ago. What led up to it was really a slow advance in asking her to spank my bottom while we were having sex. Finally I was able to admit that I wanted to be spanked, but saying that to someone who is not a spanko truly does not convey the meaning. She did not understand that I wanted a disciplinary spanking and that I wanted to be punished beyond a playful sexual spanking. We had some success with this arrangement for a few months, but ultimately at that time she became frustrated with my seemingly insatiable appetite for spanking and discipline. She is not naturally a dominant women and has no real desire to control me. Eventually after 3 months or so of irregular weekly spankings, she declared that she did not want to hurt me and that she would not go on spanking me anymore. She expressed that is was a disservice to her. I was crushed by this change in heart, although I did have some understanding. My wife came from a very dysfunctional family situation. She was not physically abused, but was mentally and verbally. She also had to witness what were apparently severe belt whippings of her brother from her alcoholic father. All of her association with spanking and punishment pointed to that, and for that to be upsetting I could very much understand.
Once that point had come and my wife had ceased the lose domestic discipline relationship we had started, life went on. What choice was there being that we are have many things of greater concern than my gratification. However, this was a prelude to some of the worst years of our marriage. I was living under the assumption that I had to abandon my needs for the good of my wife and the family. This was very very difficult and I was both deeply saddened and heavily depressed by the situation. I felt that my only option was to hold things together until my children were grown and then I had accepted that I would likely have to separate from my wife at sometime in the future. I did not want it to be this way, I am a faithful husband and never betrayed my wife or my wedding vows. Feeling that I would have to eventually destroy my life and family in the future or face a life of quiet desperation was really unbearable. I felt that my wife deep down must somehow hate me, or she would not be adamant about not being willing to try and find a way to fulfill both of our needs in our marriage.
I always have had an interest in spanking, particularly OTK with a beautiful dominant and strict women. However, my real desire to be spanked did not fully surface until I was about 35 and had the full responsibilities of caring for a family including a hefty mortgage, car payments, a stressful job with many responsibilities, and all the like. I was in charge of everything and responsible for all. My wife was a stay at home mother the majority of the years, and although she was a partner to me, I really made most of the decisions myself. I wanted to include her in more of the responsibility in finances and family management, and I was not successful. Although she would say she would get more involved and take responsibility, it actually never happened. The pressure has been great and I think it really drove me to recognize my need to be controlled and disciplined through spanking. Spanking has been the only truly successful release for me, and it is something I really enjoy.
In the last several months the burden of the current national financial crisis in the US has worsened our financial situation. In our relationship we reached the point were I was finally able to explain to her again that I could take on the growing responsibility, but that I needed her to be in charge even if I was responsible, that perhaps that was the least she could do. I needed her to spank me and to be strict about my behavior. Generally I am a reasonable husband, but I am a typical man, I can be inattentive, rude, and do things that embarrass my wife in front of others. Although many of these indiscretions seem to be nothing to me at the time, they mean a lot to her. I want her to punish me whenever I cross these boundaries. I was surprised and elated when she said she could once again begin to spank me. She said she could not understand how anyone would want to be spanked, but that she could understand the need to not always be in control. The relief and release of that statement alone lifted the world from my shoulders. I felt I finally had a future again.
My spankings have been mostly bare bottom with me leaning over the bed, a couch, or ottoman. Actually this is not my preference, as I truly desire the intimacy of the OTK spanking. My wife has spanked me OTK two times and that was very special for me. I do my best to not try and control the situation, as it is her spanking to give, but my longing for a truly thorough OTK spanking is still not completely fulfilled. I am very grateful that my wife is willing to spank me at all, so please don't take my comments in the wrong way. I am working slowly to show her what I want in as unobtrusive way as possible, but I use caution. My greatest fear is that she will shun my needs again as she did before. This is a shame because I feel my love blossoming for her more than it has in years. With her in some control, I see the strong women I married years before, I love her again in the way I did at the beginning, something I have not felt in a long time. Beyond the comfort and relief I get from receiving the spankings she gives me, I get great satisfaction from hearing any positive feedback from her about the experience. She has said at times after spanking me, that she feels a weight lifted from her shoulder or a sense of release, yet she will not say that she enjoyed it or liked it. It would really make things great if she did enjoy it, as it is so very important to me that this is good for us both. I know it cannot last if it is not.
My current approach to moving forward is to slowly share my wants and desires with her over time. I have to fight the craving I have for her touch and discipline throughout every day. I do not want to drive her away by asking for too much. One of the rules that we established early on was that I am not allowed to ask for a spanking. That is a very hard rule to follow for me, but the penalty is that I would not be spanked at all for a long time if I break that rule. I feel that if I was punished thoroughly, as I want, that I would feel a desire to be spanked everyday. I fear that I am insatiable, but hope that if she gave the the more extensive spanking I think I deserve that the relieved feeling would linger and I would be satisfied for at least several days or a week. I don't know how to ask for this successfully, I can't seem to explain that if she would step things up to a longer OTK spanking going well past the point where I protest and say stop, that we would be done with my desire for discipline for about a week. I think that would be easier on us both, but I have not found the way to get that message across.
I dream of a day where my wife might be able to be like the strong and thorough disciplinarian you are. I would do anything for her right now, but I would be even more endeared if she would be even stricter. I don't think she is capable of understanding what a turn on the whole process if for me and if it could be maximized by a pre-scolding, a progressive spanking from pants to bare bottom, and perhaps corner time in the end I would be ecstatic. Nevertheless, I am happy understanding women like my wife and yourself exist.I am truly thankful for that.
Please feel free to use this on your website if you see fit. All names in this message and mail account are fictitious.
It's always a tricky issue about getting a long term wife to participate in spanking. Women were simply not brought up to think of themselves in the lead role. While that's certainly changing, most women are still comfortable with the husband doing the prescribed male kind of duties - taking care of finances, working and doing 'manly' chores such as home repairs or taking out the garbage. It's often difficult but not impossible for females to get in touch with their more assertive, powerful personality components.
Very soon I will posting an article that details one man's success story with getting his wife of many years to participate in spanking and discipline. His very slow, methodical approach is similar to yours. However I think you and everyone will learn a great deal about the patience, persistence and understanding needed in order to truly make it work.
I think it's great that your wife is willing to spank you. However I know it's a mixed blessing. It's hard to totally trust and believe her sincerity since she has so many issues with it herself. It must have been very hurtful when she originally started to participate and then abruptly ended. How rejecting if must have felt. For us, spanking is so important, deep and vulnerable. It's difficult for us to share this desire and yet it's so deep that eventually we just can't help but state our needs. Now she's back to spanking you but with reservations.
Why she can't take you over her knee is beyond me. I can only guess that again this brings up issues that have to do with her and her own unpleasant memories and associations. She needs to understand that adult spanking is not related to childhood spanking. Though the roots take place in childhood, the adult needs are completely differnent. It's about you having a cathartic release. It's about you feeling held, loved and nurtured. She needs to realize that this is the hugest gift she can give you. And she has to understand that she's not being a disciplinarian as much as she's providing a way for you to get in touch with your need to let go. And, let's not forget that spanking is also connected to your sexuality. Your wife is your sexual partner so it's important for her to understand and help you get your needs met.
I consider myself an advocate for all people who live or want to live a sexual alternative lifestyle. Women find me easy to talk with. Perhaps at some point we can arrange some kind of phone consultation so that I can help her better understand spanking and explore her own fears connected to the fetish.
Glad you wrote.
I am writing you to ask you to please give my bottom a sound spanking! I came across your site when I googled "spank with bathbrush" after I saw one at a store and was fantasizing about getting my butt tanned with it. Having read through your site I am amazed at how you fit my image of the perfect 'aunty'. I am a 29 year old tall, athletic male with an attractive face and a perfect bum (I hope) for you to take across your lap, bend over your bed, or stick out as high and as far as I can for my Aunty Jacqueline to spank, spank, spank! I am have never been spanked, but really deserve to be. Please give my a good hard spanking please aunty. I've been naughty and need a punishment.
Hi! My name's Allan and I have been looking at spanking material for the past ten years. I am really shy and embarrassed by it, but after reading your site I know these daily thoughts will not go away. I have always wanted a good lady to play the role of my strict aunt and give me good, long, hard punishment spankings. I want to present my never been spanked bottom for you by laying otk across your lap time and time again. I cannot wait for you to spank me otk with your hand as long and as hard as you can.
Afterwards I want the brush, the wooden spoon and your paddle. I want it over my pants, my underwear and of course, on the bare, all over every inch of my bottom. I want to kneel in the corner with my hands on head and with my cute little red bottom sticking out while you prepare for my strapping and my caning. I promise to stay as still and as quiet as possible for you. I can't wait for you to gently rub my little bum when you're taking a break from spanking. That way i know my aunty spanks me because she cares and it's for my own good.
You can rub baby oil all over my bottom first and give me the punishment of a lifetime. I want to cry from your spankings. Afterwards, when my corner time is done, I hope aunty will soothe my well spanked bottom with cool lotion. I hope aunty will hug me and forgive me and if I'm still crying I hope to press my face to your chest or your lap and have you comfort me with your gentle touch. I think you are beautiful and kind and are the one who can give me the punishment spankings I've craved for years. Above all, I hope you enjoy spanking me as much as I enjoy getting it.
Xoxo, your nephew, Allan.
P.S. it took a lot of courage for me to send this.
You actually have me pegged correctly. I am very much the maternal, auntie type spanker. I really do subscribe to the old adage that 'this spanking is for your own good'. I believe that spankings should be done out of love and care. Ideally a spanking is done to correct, inspire or bring comfort to another. They should never be administered to make a point, demonstrate power or cause pain. That's why the figure of an 'auntie' is perfect. She's a maternal being but not 'mother'. For most of us, the idea of mother is uncomfortable and strikes too close to home. An auntie can be visualized in any way and even be sexualized. Because when it comes down to it, adult spanking is also about having feelings of arousal. That's why the spanking fetish is for adults and adults only.
Yes, it's nice to age regress a bit too. That way we can feel young and helpless while getting spanked. But ultimately your letter comes from your adult voice. You have a fantasy that you'd like to get fulfilled. I love to spank exactly as you mentioned. I enjoy the over the knee ritual of spanking over clothing, on underpants and then bare bottom.
There's definitely room for you across my lap. All you had to do is reach out. I'm glad that you did.
- Aunt Jacqueline
Oh, I loved the second scene as much as the first. The storyline was, well, something I could relate to. I'm also one who is guilty of pleasuring themselves on the job. Isn't everyone? Anyway, the paddle at the very end of the scene looked scary yet so promising! I liked the harshness it represented and the punitive nature of the implement; and it looks like it carries a true hurt. I also enjoyed seeing you use the belt. At any rate, I felt sorry for the man after you were done spanking him.
'Female Tops The Next Generation' is another one of your DVD's that I will be sure to watch over and over. It's just a reminder that one day I too will have the pleasure of swinging an implement and I will enjoy it as much (if not more)as Kaiya did in the last scene. That was really sexy! I must admit that one of my most gleeful fantasies would be to give a spanking and use the implements with an over-abundance of wickedness, just like the women in the DVD. Though I know I will always be partial to my most primitive and raw state where I yearn to be spanked.
Yes, the Fem/Dom videos are wonderful! It's a shame that so many people out there aren't more versatile. I guess it all boils down to selfishness and they are simply robbing themselves of such great experiences and connections. No wonder so many people appear to be miserable and frustrated.
When you talk about selfishness I know you are referring to a recent conversation about women who like to be spanked. You are one of those women, but you do have a curiosity about topping as well. In another letter I commended you about this since I think too many women only want their men to spank them. They are not empathetic to the fact that many men enjoy a good bottom warming too. They even go so far as to put down guys who like to be spanked. We agreed that it was a narrow path to take and yes, selfish. I am personally doing my best to educate spanking females to switch with their guys. I'm glad our talks have made an impression on you.
Spanking is truly both a giving and receiving experience. It only makes sense to experience and play on both sides of the fence;especially if you are with a guy who likes to be spanked. His versatility actually makes him more manly. I always recommend that women who like to be spanked seek out guys who are switches. They are almost always safer, more sensitive down to earth people than guys who are too cowardly to submit to a spanking. I'm glad you are open minded. You set a good example for other women in the scene.
Thank You, Jacqueline
Soon I am pleased to share a great success story with you and my readers. It's a true life interview with a man who was finally able to successfully communicate his spanking desires to his wife of many years. His slow, methodical approach really worked.
Thank you so much for your continued support.
I am very impressed by your article, Spanking Your Man. At this time I do not have someone to take care of that for me, but who knows what the future may bring.
After his spanking it helps to insure the memory if you have him sit for a while of a padded chair. A good pad can be made from a bristly door mat from the hardware store. Make it more bristly by cutting the bristles to make them stand up more. He will appreciate the extra attention, especially if he is wearing his butt plug with tiger balm. If he squirms too much you can comfort him by sitting on his lap and having him rub your shoulders. That will calm him down nicely.
I'm glad you found a good female Dom. Life goes on and you deserve to have some fun in your life. I love the idea of panty spankings. That's one of my personal favorite ways to discipline a deserving man.
I think she just spanked to show she was the boss in our relationship. I have since dated many women and married another woman and later divorced. I find myself mentally re-living the spankings she gave me some twenty years ago. I don't feel like most women could pull off a real spanking but I am curious if I am wrong? How could I attract another woman who enjoys or just prefers spanking her hubby/boyfriend as punishment?
Thank you for your time and consideration.
I think women are very capable of giving a spanking. Remember we are maternal by nature. It's in our make up to want those around us to live up to their full potential. Many women aren't aware of the benefits of adult spanking. More and more are becoming educated today.
Stick around. I'm here to get that relationship started when you find the right woman. Pick someone who is confident, independent and self-assured. Also choose a woman who is sexually open-minded. When someone possesses the proper base components, it's easy to turn them into a disciplinarian on a level that will be mutually satisfactory to you both.
Thank you all for your letters. I enjoy hearing from you. Remember this is a community. Sharing with others helps educate and leads to self-understanding about our unique interest in adult spanking.