Readers Note: These letters are all real. The actual identities, parts of stories and names are disguised. I post letters so that we can share with each other and not feel so alone in our passion for spanking. These letters can be helpful for you to learn from the experiences of others.

Rest assured that your email to me is strictly confidential. If you DO NOT want me to post a letter (even in disguise) please tell me. Your limits, boundaries and discretion are always my first priority. I thank all of you in advance for your thoughtful and insightful emails. Together we can learn from each other.
- Jacqueline

Dear Jacqueline,
I've been following your site for a while now, but this is the first time I've written to you. Three weeks ago, in the heat of the moment, I firmly smacked my man’s bare bottom. At that moment I detected a wicked smile on his face. Obviously he was stimulated by my stingy touch. I knew right there and then spanking was something I wanted to pursue.

Numerous lighthearted chats ensued over the next week and he always found a way to recall the smack. I tested the waters by asking questions. Was it too hard or not hard enough? To my delight, he said that he needs to be disciplined. The floodgates opened.
 
At our next encounter, I ordered him to get undressed and bend over the furniture. He did exactly as told. I slowly slipped my legs between his. I ran my nails gently down his back while whispering that I knew what he needed. He replied that he did. He told me that he had been a bad boy and ready to accept his punishment from me.
 
I pulled out a leather belt. I turned the belt on one of my hands so that the buckle was on the inside and leaving about 10" of leather at the end with which to smack his bare bottom. I made sure that he couldn't see the belt but that he certainly heard the sound of the buckle jingling. I then warmed up his bottom with some varying degrees of slaps from my bare hand.

When his bottom started to turn pink, I began to recount all the ways he had disappointed me in the past week. Each slap that connected with his bottom had him quivering and made me feel quite excited. He was squirming and apologizing and I told him to stay PUT! Then I began to use the belt. Softly first, making sure that it landed on his lower bottom, as I know that is the correct spank spot. I struck many time before increasing the intensity of the smacks. Every now and again, I would stop to caress his now red cheeks. Finally, I gave him one stroke that was much harder than all the rest. Right there and then, I could feel his wetness running down my leg and dripping on to my foot.
 
I ordered him to lie down on his back and to masturbate in front of me. This was to embarrass him and excite me I told him to apologize for being so naughty during the week. He complied completely and did not disappoint. Afterwards, I crawled up beside him, wiped his sweaty brow, wrapped my arms around him and told him that all was forgiven.
 
Now that I've said all that, I wanted to know what words or phrases I could use during his spankings to heighten the mood. 
 
Thanks in advance!
- J.M.

Dear J. M.,
How wonderful of you to notice your man’s excitement and follow through. Spanking is something that benefits you and him. You all ready noticed how excited and turned on he gets at the mere mention of spanking. You also took note of the fact that you can use this to your own enjoyment to be pleasing and change behaviors. Spanking adds a positive component to relationships. I’m glad that you are embracing this rather than rejecting it. Your guy is lucky to have you. And you are also fortunate to have the capability of bringing a strong, deep-seated fantasy to life. I am proud of you!

There’s something called spanking buzzwords or phrases. Many are standard. You’d find them in any spanking story. A few examples are:

"Get over my knee, you’re going to get it."
" I’m going to spank you until you can’t sit down."
"You’re not too grown for a good, sound spanking."
"I’m going to spank you until you’re really sorry."

These are just but a few small examples. It’s OK for you to ask him for his own favorite spanking phrases.

In fact, it’s OK for you to ask him many questions. Spanking is an individual turn on. People who love spanking share many common threads but at the same time, we are all individuals. The only way to really know your partner is to ask lots of questions. You should find out when he first became interested in spanking as an adult. Does he relate to spanking, as something that is only about punishment or does he prefer you spanking him for your own enjoyment? What age does he imagine being when he is getting spanked? Does he relate to spanking as a way for you to have sexual power or control over him? What other kinds of fem/dom interactions does he like? He might want to be ordered to the corner, have his mouth washed out with soap or be told to kiss your bottom. The more you ask, the better you’ll know him and are able to fulfill his desires.

Sexuality is a two way street and it’s very important that you both get all your needs met. It’s essential that you give yourself permission to receive enjoyment in addition to giving. Tell him what you enjoy about spanking and sex. Did you ever have any fantasies of your own that included spanking? Do you have anything you’d like him to do just for you?

Despite what we may have been taught, it’s fine to have one partner satisfy the other’s needs to the exclusion of their own. In other words, taking turns is acceptable along with simultaneous pleasure. Spanking is here to expand your repertoire but it should not take the place of your established intimate bedroom activity.

Thanks for your email and let me know if you have any other questions.
- Jacqueline

Dear Jacqueline,
As much as I adore spanking, sometimes I’m not in the mood. That’s OK except that most professional disciplinarians (including you) require appointments. I respect the idea of scheduling. I make an appointment when I’m in the mood to get spanked. Sometimes by the time the date arrives, I am preoccupied with business or other matters. I hate to cancel but then at the same time I want to enjoy spanking and not go through the motions just to please someone else.

I hate to be that jerk that cancels at the last minute. Do you have any ideas about how I can alter my mood and prepare for a session?
- Mason

Dear Mason,
Thank you. This is an excellent question and deals with the issues of courtesy vs. getting a need met on your own terms. I fully understand that spanking is something that is mood driven. We like to play when we start thinking about spanking and get aroused. Then we wish the spanking could happen instantaneously. Some us are lucky to be in a relationship that fosters that kind of spontaneity. Most of us aren’t. Even couples need to get their moods synced up and it’s usually a challenge.

So, how do you make an appointment and keep it? Personally speaking, there’s nothing I hate more than a last minute cancellation. It is rude and very disruptive on many levels. Of course people want to get spanked when they want to get spanked. Yet when you see a professional person, schedules are necessary for obvious reasons.

How then can you put aside the cares of the day and prepare for a spanking session? I’ll tell you my secret for getting in the mood. I think it can help you. Before a session, I generally think about the scenarios I am going to play out. I even write them down. I clear out my mind and focus only on spanking and my own personal triggers.

I suggest you do the same. Go online and look at spanking pictures or open a cherished spanking magazine. Watch a favorite DVD and just start thinking about all the things that turn you on about spanking. Fortunately, it doesn’t take much for us ‘spankos’ to get going. That’s the beautiful part about spanking. It’s such a powerful fetish that it easily takes over and works wonders on our libidos.

My other caution. Do not masturbate before the session. You can tease yourself and don’t release.

I hope this helps in keeping appointments, Mason. Responsible people keep their promise. Making an appointment is a commitment to show up. Please follow my hints next time you decide to see your favorite disciplinarian. I believe you’ll be driven to show up and have a great time.
- Jacqueline

Dear Jacqueline,
I just stumbled across your letters section and spent a pleasant couple of hours reading about how other men are spanked and disciplined by their wives or partners. So much so that I felt the need to respond by relating some of my own experiences. I have been fortunate to have had a number of partners with whom spanking games have been the order of the day. At first I was the giver rather than the receiver. With my last partner of eight years, that situation changed.

In the early days, we indulged in quite a lot of mutual play spanking – all good fun, and very good for romps in the bedroom afterwards. However, one day, things changed. I guess we’d got far enough into the relationship that I’d started taking things a little bit too much for granted. I wouldn’t be on time for dates, or maybe I’d spend a little too long down the pub with some mates. Anyway, it soon became evident that Kate was less than happy. Things came to a head on one occasion. I was told in no uncertain terms that things were going to change. After a long discussion about our relationship, we agreed that I would have to toe the line or accept the consequences. I had to admit that I was at fault and Kate proposed that I should be spanked properly. Not as a game, but as a punishment. And while I would continue to get regular play spankings, I would also be regularly and properly disciplined for any bad behaviors.

And so that evening I got the first of what proved to be many good sound spankings from her. I had to strip completely naked and take up a position facing the corner, while she “considered how I was to be punished”. I must have been there for a good twenty minutes, during which time, it sounded like some re-arrangements of furniture in the lounge. Eventually, I was instructed to turn around. Kate had moved settees and easy chairs to leave a clear space in which she had positioned a straight backed dining chair with an occasional table along side.

Kate sat on the chair, wearing a short skirt, against the hem of which I could see her stocking tops. She looked dead sexy, but her stern expression had a very sobering effect on me. This was emphasized by what I saw on the small table – one of her bedroom slippers, a leather strap we’d bought as part of our earlier games and a wooden-backed hairbrush. Now I’d been on the giving end of that hairbrush previously. Now I was about to find out exactly what it would feel like.

She ordered me to come and stand beside her, ready to put myself across her lap. I was first given a good lecturing about what I’d done to deserve this, and then told just how hard my spanking was going to be. Kate made it perfectly clear how much I deserved a really sound punishment spanking. She also made it clear that I’d be subject to more spankings in the future if I displeased her in any way. 

At that moment, I believed that I truly deserved such a punishment from Kate. I knew she right. I did deserve to be punished. On the other hand, I’d never had a spanking like this before and I had no idea what I was letting myself in for. I promised her that I would obey her instructions and submit to her ministrations. I was immediately instructed to place myself across her knees. There was a brief respite while she positioned me to her satisfaction.

And then the spanking started. She began just using her hand, gently at first, ensuring she covered the whole of my naked bum and the tops of my thighs. She steadily increased the intensity and the stinging became more pronounced. After three or four minutes she stopped to fondle my increasingly hot bottom, and tell me how red I was becoming. Kate then advised she was to going give fifty hard spanks with her hand before she moved on to an implement. 

I felt Kate move as she reached across to the small table. She took turns using the slipper and the hairbrush. She really set my bottom on fire. This was a sound spanking all right – with the sound coming from the loud smacks of leather on bare flesh, and my increasingly vocal protests. The last fifteen, Kate seemed to apply with extra venom – the stinging, burning pain was at the extreme limit of my pain threshold and I was seriously doubting how much longer I would be able to stay in place over her knees. But I did and was so grateful to hear Kate say I could stand up.

During the act of being spanked, in spite of or because of the pain, I’ve always felt contrite. Yet by contrast, the after-effects feel wonderful – even though sitting down the next day was sometimes not so good.

I wanted to share this account with your readers. Mostly Kate continues to spank me. Every now and again I still get to take her over my knee.
- Mike

Dear Mike,
Thank you for that exciting account of your first spanking experience. I like that Kate stepped up to the plate and realized that ‘what’s good for the goose, is also good for the gander’. I believe that within the context of a relationship spanking on both ends leads to a greater sense of harmony. We are adults and therefore we all need to get in touch with our power.

Too often the spanking world seems to be dictated by some antiquated ideas of sex role socialization. Men think they need to be tops in order to be manly. Actually the opposite is true. It takes a real man to subject himself to punishment. Especially if he’s been administering it to his female partner. By subjecting yourself to a spanking you are conceding that you are human and have your own flaws. No one is perfect. No one gets to be the top just because they are born into being male. Nor do they get to be tops just because they take on a ‘self-proclaimed title’

Spanking is about letting go and giving control over to another. Relationships need to be balanced. Sometimes one person can be in control and sometimes another. It’s simply a more healthy way of being.

I oftentimes see men who are only tops. They come to me because they want to have a safe place to express their alter ego. The sad part is that many are with women whom they spank. Unfortunately their women don’t want to see their man in a more vulnerable spot. I think that’s close-minded and selfish. Why impose a rigid role on your mate? As humans it’s vital that we explore all aspects of our personality.

Kate was a courageous woman who got in touch with her own power. I think she felt a need to exert herself and teach you a lesson of your own. Fortunately you enjoyed it. Also by being spanked you got a greater idea of what the implements actually feel like. You will then be a more compassionate spanker when you find yourself in the top role.

Spanking between couples is not just about ‘punishing’ each other for every day annoyance. Ideally it’s an erotic activity and should be used as a mutually exciting way of expressing sexuality and affection. Spankings actually feel good and have an indescribably sensual appeal. Women who like to be spanked need to acknowledge the pleasure they get from being spanked. In acknowledging this enjoyment, they need to be open-minded about giving back this pleasure to the person who spanks them.

I hope you and Kate continue to enjoy spanking and also switch. It sounds like she’s taken on the top role well. However I know you did enjoy spanking her and I hope you and she will continue to allow that part of yourself to be expressed.

Thank you for your informative, well-written letter.
- Jacqueline

Dear Jacqueline,
Recently I went to see a dominatrix lady in my area. I told her I liked spanking and she was very happy to see me. When I got there, she tied me to some kind of a device and used many objects on my bottom. She had excellent ability with her various paddles and whips. I enjoyed feeling the impact on my buttock region. I did not however, like to feel whips on my back.

At one point I finally spoke up. I told her that I was enjoying the session but I would rather go over her knee and be spanked with her hand. She then told me I was ‘topping from the bottom’. I really don’t know what she meant by that. I was merely expressing what I wanted from the encounter.

She did finally put me over her lap but she put a towel over her knee. That was disappointing as the whole point of being over the knee is to feel some kind of close physical contact. It’s not sexual but it is caring. I am a leg man so in addition to spanking I also like to see the female legs as I dangle over a strong woman’s knee.

Was I out of line to speak up? This was a professional session so I figured it would be OK to say what I wanted out of the experience.
- Confused

Dear Confused,
I think the expression ‘topping from the bottom’ is overused and amateurish when doing a professional session. Her job is to make your fantasies come to life. Communication is essential in order to get real satisfaction. Boundaries need to be set and discussed way before the session. Either she can do it well or decline. Your case is unfortunately true of many in the S/M world. They don’t understand the difference between an over the knee spanking and being tied to a cross for a whipping.

Oftentimes people who see dominatrixes view themselves as submissives and want to relinquish control. However even in that context there is no such thing as ‘topping from the bottom’ because everyone has preferences and things that they either like or don’t like. Ultimately the voice of the top as well as the bottom needs to be heard and acknowledged.

Spanking is actually not a dominant/submissive role exchange. It’s something else. Some of us like to let go and exercise the ‘bratty’ part of our personality. We regress to a place that is deliberately provocative in order to get the spanking that we secretly want. However, putting up a fuss is an important component of the play.

At other times we accept the idea of being punished though it is never acknowledged that we really want to be spanked. With some coaxing we’ll eventually agree to take the spanking for our own good. That’s all part of the spanking state or mind.

It’s important for both top and bottom to actively participate in the preparation for spanking. There are many aspects that need to be taken into account. Honesty is a good first step. It sounds like you did this. I think the part you might have missed is making sure that you were heard correctly. Sometimes people only listen with half an ear. Next time, talk to the person before getting into the scene and make sure she understands exactly what you are seeking. If the play begins and then it isn’t right, speak up.

When I do sessions I do several spankings in the course of a session to make sure I’m getting it right. In other words between spanking role-plays we talk and fine tune the spanking. I check out whether the intensity is correct as well as the attitude. I welcome feedback because I know everyone is different and I want to get it right for you.

I know that many women put the towel down for sanitary purposes. I also know that it sort of takes away from the primary feeling of closeness that we like as part of the over the knee experience. I personally just wash my clothes after every session and don’t worry about it. I’m not sure what all the fuss is but don’t take it personally.

I hope your next experience is a good one. Here’s to good old fashioned over the knee spanking done right!
- Jacqueline

Dear Jacqueline,
I am fortunate in having a girlfriend who is intelligent, beautiful and creative. We have always shared some spanking play where she spanks me and I spank her. She has a beautiful bottom. Lately she wants to be the spanker only. I am a little disappointed as I really enjoyed switching. But I am grateful that she’s still open to spanking so I can handle being the bottom only. The part that is difficult is that she wants more complete submission. Currently she is demanding that I shave the genital and pubic area bald as a sign of my being submissive to her.

She says that this is very common and lots of dominant women expect that. She further states that the only reason I am resisting is because I am trying to be difficult in order to earn a more severe paddling. That is absolutely not true. I know that if I want a paddling all I have to do is ask or be bratty. I feel a little insulted by that remark. The real reason I don’t want to do this is because I shower at the gym. It would feel awkward to me. What do you think? Is she being reasonable? Should I just suck it up and do it?
- Brad

Dear Brad,
First of all, I’m glad you acknowledged that you are lucky to have a woman who is open to spanking. It sounds like you are the ‘pure breed’ spanking person and she’s the convert. I am always very proud of women who take the time to find out and get involved in their partner’s sexual tastes. I think that’s wonderful. I also expect men to do the same. Now we’re seeing that we have a bit of a dilemma.

It seems like your girlfriend is taking a shine to more Dominant/submissive type role-playing. I think she’s been expanding her horizons and finding that she likes the concept of being on top. That’s fine but this is a relationship between two consenting adults so both parties needs and desires need to be accounted for.

You started this out as switch spanking relationship. All of a sudden she doesn’t want to get spanked. Did you ask why? Did you tell her that you miss spanking her? Honesty is important. Feelings that go unexpressed end up as stuffed resentments. It will come out later in other ways. You need to be honest and tell her how you feel. Certainly she can have her time to be the ‘top’ but it’s way healthier for you to both have that opportunity. Rigid roles are as narrow thinking as missionary sex. They are limiting and do not take into account the fact that everyone is multi-faceted in their abilities to initiate as well as receive.

I think your girlfriend is probably going on-line to get some ideas on how to be dominant. Shaving is something that some people recommend. However, there is no definitive answer or way to be dominant. Ultimately every relationship is unique and created by the two people that participate. If you aren’t into being shaved don’t do it.

Sucking things up will create unexpressed anger. If you shave just for her, unconsciously you’ll be feeling negatively towards her every time you’re at the gym. Only shave if the two of you come to an understanding that this is a gesture that bonds the two of you together. Personally, there are other things and other ways to be close. Shaving is only one small part of demonstrating submission (if that’s in fact what you want to do in the first place).

I think you guys have lots of talking to do. Find out what each of you desires and then do your best to fulfill each other’s needs.
- Jacqueline

Dear Jacqueline,
My idea for a FemDom spanking movie comes from a real-life experience that happened to me when I was in my twenties and in my first apartment building. There was a very attractive woman who lived on the same floor who was the object of many of my fantasies. She was tall, slim and always wore very tailored business suits. She seemed to be very confident and fit the part of the perfect woman in charge. At that time, I dreamed about having a woman spank me but didn’t dare tell anyone. This particular gal fit the bill. She looked like she wouldn’t take no for an answer and that once over her knee she wouldn’t let up until she spanked your bottom beet red.

My fantasies were my fantasies. I never thought anything would come of them. One day however, I guess I subconsciously took my best shot. On this particular day rain was pouring down. I was wearing an expensive jogging suit and it got drenched. I knew that this was the kind of fabric that needed to dry right away. I ran straight to the laundry room and decided to quickly throw the suit into a dryer. I even thought about how good it would feel to slip into something nice and warm because I was so cold. So I stripped off my suit and planned to dry it very quickly.

It turned out that everyone was doing laundry that day. Luckily one dryer stopped right away so I quickly stripped and put my clothes inside. The dryer I opened had several pairs of female panties. I don’t know what possessed me to do this but I decided I wanted to feel one of those warm, freshly dried panties against my own skin. No one was in the room so I slipped on a pair of blue satin bikinis. I loved the feel. Soon my jogging suit was dry and I decided to just keep the panties on under my clothes. Just as I was starting to pull up my pants who should walk in but my beautiful downstairs neighbor! Turns out the panties were hers. She saw her clothes on top of the dryer and she saw me in her panties. I was mortified but also incredibly aroused. There was no hiding my huge erection. I stood frozen waiting to see what she’d do.

Much to my surprise she didn’t freak out. Instead she laughed and said I was a sight for sore eyes. She told me she could call the building manager but she’d rather take matters into her own hands. With that she collected her things and ordered me to follow her. I obeyed as if I were in a trance.

The unspeakable and best thing happened. She opened her apartment door and sat on her couch. She told me that she enjoyed giving a good sound spanking and I was someone very deserving. I didn’t need to be asked twice. I practically fell over her knee. She pulled down my pants but kept the panties on. I was about to get a spanking on female panties. I was so embarrassed but indescribably turned on. It’s a good thing she started to immediately administer a swift, stingy spanking. I know if she hadn’t started quickly I would have cum in my pants. The spanking actually helped me contain myself.

She spanked me very soundly and then had me stand up. She touched my behind and it was stinging hot inside the panties. As further embarrassment she made me play with myself in front of her. Everything was humiliating but extremely arousing. She let me keep her panties and sent me home. That was the one and only time we got together. Her lease was over and she moved out of the city. I never saw her again but I will always remember the feel of being spanked in panties.

I was delighted to see you made a DVD called ‘Spanked On Her Panties”. I loved seeing the beautiful women spanked in so many sexy pairs of undies. Would you ever consider making a DVD where guys are spanked in female panties? If you do, let me know, as I’d love to volunteer. There’s nothing sexier than spanking combined with silk panty wearing.
- Stevie

Dear Stevie,
Thank you for sharing that very hot memory with us. I’m sure every single person reading is jealous of you. We all imagine the idea of a spontaneous spanking given by a stranger. It rarely happens but the thought is very erotic.

I’m with you. Spanking on the panties is sexy, sexy, sexy. I love to feel the material underneath my hands. I have enticed many men to wear panties for the first time. They feel embarrassed at first but realize that it is truly an erotic experience. Girls too look wonderful in panties. Hence, the making of the film ‘Spanked On Her Panties’. That’s one of my very favorite productions. I like having the tease of a panty clad bottom. Bare bottoms are great too but panties provide something mysterious to the spanking. Taking them down is like unwrapping an inviting gift.

Some things are better experienced than watched. I have a feeling that most of my audience would rather see a female clad in panties than a guy. It’s fun for the men to wear panties while getting spanked. But from a visual point of view I’ll opt for the female panty clad bottom. If I have many disagree with me, I’ll reconsider.

Thanks Stevie. That was a fun letter.
- Jacqueline

Dear Jacqueline,
I have an issue and question to run by you. I recently read your article on spanking as a re-parenting tool and feel good about how my husband and I play. We are already using a lot of your ideas. 
 
Recently, my husband has been sharing with me that not only does he receive pleasure from spanking role plays, but that he has a fetish about age play. He doesn't want to totally be treated as an infant but craves being diapered, creamed and put to bed like a small child. I am open-minded and have no problem treating him like a child, but because of my past sexual abuse, have trouble with the diaper issue. I used to help out my sister when my nephew was an infant and would change diapers and found it to be extremely difficult. I get this gagging reflex. Diapering my husband would elicit the same response.
 
I thought that you might have some advice on how we could meet his needs but not put me through any physical discomfort. Is there a way we could role-play so that I look at it differently or something? I appreciate any response that you give me.
 
My husband and I have really grown with this fetish and we have a very fulfilling relationship. Now this is just another step in the adventure of intimacy. I felt that I could trust you the most with this issue and question.
 
Thanks for everything, Ms. Jacqueline.  
- Martha

Dear Martha,
I need to commend you. This is not our first time corresponding. You have come a long way in accepting spanking into your life. I know it originally came from your husband but you have embraced it and really brought happiness to your husband and created a very close bond between the two of you. Being open to a sexual fetish give you a special key inside your soul’s mate. He’s a very lucky guy. You are an inspiration to many.

Now you are confronted with a new dilemma. Once again the fetish touches on bad memories from your past. You were able to conquer your negative feelings about spanking. I think you can do the same with this new one that incorporates some infantilism into the existing spanking fetish.

I don't really know your past so I'm not sure what meaning the diapers actually had for you. I'm sorry you were sexually abused when young. That is something that so many women went through and it definitely has life long affects. Talking about it with a caring understanding person is key. I know you have all ready gotten therapy and you have worked through many of your feelings.

Spanking and infantilism are adult fetish activities. You need to separate them from your past. I like your idea of role-play. In that way you can play a game of ‘pretend’. I think if you get to a loving, nurturing (non-sexual) kind of feelings when you do this, you will be OK.

Your husband like many others, like the idea of age regression and infantilism to get something that they didn't get when younger. They long for a feeling of being protected, held and loved unconditionally. If you think of this as doing something very loving and caring for your mate, I think you’ll get through this just fine. I even think it might be good for you too because you will get some other kind of association with diapers other than the very horrific event that took place with you. Ultimately this can be a very healing experience for both of you.

You and your partner have a wonderful relationship. You are really able to communicate well with each other. He is so caring for you and vise versa. I know you have both worked very hard to make this a great marriage. Give this new fantasy a try. If you in fact are getting ill or upset while doing it, just break scene immediately. I know he’ll understand. He knows your background so there’s no secrets or surprise disclosures.

Hope this new dimension of your play is a good experience. Keep me posted.
- Jacqueline

Dear Jacqueline,
I am a male in my early 30's. I would like to be spanked to tears but haven’t been since age 10 or 11. Problem is, once I feel I have done something wrong it doesn’t get taken care of quickly enough (if I'm spanked at all for that matter).

My girlfriend spanks me sometimes but she has only done it a select few times. I was thinking that I wasn’t crying because I wasn’t sorry about anything. I also think that the time had passed too quickly. My theory is that I’m not taken to task as soon as possible.

What do you think?

Thanks,
Jeff

Dear Jeff,
Spanking and tears is a complex issue. You do have to feel sorry or connect to some kind of emotion in order to let go and let the tears flow.

I am sensing a great deal of anger in your letter. I think you harbor resentment that your girlfriend doesn’t spank you often enough. In reality, that’s not her job. She’s not your mother; she’s your girlfriend.

Spanking as an adult activity has a definite time and place. It’s about having fun and engaging in erotic activity. You can’t expect her to drop everything and spank you anytime you get out of line. That’s absolutely absurd. Grow up.

In reality, you have a good, open-minded girlfriend. You need to set some times for spanking to take place. Make it more of a game and a fun experience. Don’t do things wrong in order to be spanked. Instead, you can set up some times that you act bratty or behave naughty so that she’ll spank you then.

If you want to have a true disciplinary relationship, she needs to really understand the needs and the lifestyle aspect of this kind of interaction. Don’t’ make this a chore for her. Make spanking a fun experience and she’ll be apt to want to do it more.
- Jacqueline

Dear Jacqueline,
My girlfriend and I have been together for three years. After we dated for a few months, she told me that she would have to be in charge of the relationship. She wanted me to obey her and if I didn't she would spank me. She wanted me to promise to submit to her discipline. Since I have always been sort of submissive to women, she picked the right person. I always enjoyed obeying women and pleasing them.
 
One day when she was about to give me a spanking for disobedience, she said she had a surprise for me. She always sat on the bed ordered me over her lap. I obeyed.  She then smeared some salve on the top of my balls up to my butt hole. It was tiger balm, I later learned. It stung almost immediately. I howled and kicked. She told me to settle down and lie still. Instead, I stood up and started to rub my balls. 

She ordered me to get back over her lap. I begged not to. She ordered me again. I had to comply. I lay back down and she grabbed the belt from my bathrobe that was lying on the bed, crossed my ankles and tied them together. It was so quick I didn't know what was happening. She then began to scold me and she started my spanking. It went on for about 45 minutes, with rests in between. I kicked and screamed but couldn't do anything. I couldn't stand up. She also had a firm grip around my waist to keep me in place.  Eventually the balm combined with the spanking and scolding made me start to cry. I cried for a long time. She just laughed and kept on spanking. It stung like hell.
 
My question. Can tiger balm be harmful to the skin? It stings like hell. She only uses it occasionally. She got the idea from your website. Once she made me stand in the corner and smeared it on my balls and tied my wrists in front of me so I couldn't rub myself. She loves to see me dance.
 
Can this be harmful?
 - Robert

Dear Robert,
I think Jeff (and everyone else reading) will be jealous of you. You have a true take charge woman. How lucky for you. Sounds like you have the perfect FemDom mate. I also love that she reads and gets ideas from my website. That’s a real thrill for me!

I've never had a problem with tiger balm. Yes, it does get very warm but the sensation is only temporary. Tiger balm is actually a very safe ‘heat rub’ designed to be used on sore muscles. It is harmless.

Sorry, Robert. I know you were hoping to get out of this punishment but you won’t! You have a great lady and you should take whatever she chooses to dish out!

- Jacqueline