Your spanking abilities are far superior to anyone that I have experienced. You really seemed to enjoy yourself and that made me happy. My sessions with local Mistresses in the past have been somewhat disappointing. All though I enjoyed my time with each of them, my spankings were always just a short prelude to their favorite pleasures. Being with you, spankings were always the focus and that is what I enjoy, that is what I have been seeking.

Your vast assortment of implements was amazing and your expert use of them astounding. I think about you every time I sit down. :-) I think the best part for me was the time and care you took to find out about me. You crafted our evening so perfectly that I felt like I was playing with a long time friend and not once during the whole evening did I sense that you were just going through the motions. You really made me feel special.

I really hope that you enjoyed our evening half as much as I did? I would very much like to jump on a plane again for another of many special evenings with you. Thanks again.
- Mark

Hi Mark,
Thank you so, so much for your letter. It made my day. You had indicated to me previously that you had some rather unpleasant sessions so it was particularly important for me to make sure you got the kind of spanking experience you sought.

You're right. I did enjoy myself immensely. I truly love spanking and it's always a pleasure to play with a like-minded person. You did seem more relaxed with the role-playing as the night went on. I like to act out spanking scenarios because it enables participants to really let go and experience their role.

As adults we all know that spanking is something that normally really wouldn’t be applied in real life. However, when we enact imaginary yet plausible experiences, all of a sudden it works. It’s not necessarily you getting spanked but it is the ‘naughty person’ you are portraying. Role-playing is especially helpful when two people have a first meeting. The various scenes help break the ice.

They also encourage spanking dialogue along with the phrases we all love to hear like such as:
“You’re going to get a good, sound spanking young man!”
“This spanking is long overdue.”
“I promise this will be a spanking you’ll never forget!”

Dear Jacqueline,
I’m a man of 34 years who is yearning to be spanked by a strict firm woman; a woman who shares your strictness. My spanking fantasies always cause within me powerful sexual arousals, more powerful that when I imagine myself having sex (although I still maintain a normal sex drive). As a matter of fact I still host the same interest that if on any chance I get to travel to the states, I will ask permission from you to visit you, perhaps for counseling or spanking sessions.

I'm perfectly lost. Is it OK for me to search for a wife who enjoys spanking me as her husband, even for sexual erotica or amusement? Even if she consents, will she ever respect me and understand my needs? Will she understand that I find it sexy to go across her knees and surrender for a smart bare bottom spanking from her?

I'm so afraid that she will undermine me and that any respect she should have for me will go away. I'm so mixed up. I'm so afraid to open this matter with utterly anybody, as my community doesn’t understand fem/dom spanking needs.
- Miguel

Dear Miguel,
Spanking is something that is definitely sexual. In fact for us spankos, it is our sexuality. Therefore, it’s not at all out of line for you to want to find a woman who shares this interest with you. Of course you would.

Hopefully the person you choose to share your life with, will be understanding and open to your desires. This street goes both ways so you need to be in tune with her desires too. That’s where it gets tricky. Every one is different and everyone has his or her own needs and desires. Even if you find another person in the spanking community be prepared to find that her spanking turn-on's are probably going to vary from yours.

If you keep spanking as a bedroom activity you will not be under-minded or disrespected. Spanking is simply something you enjoy as an erotic experience. If you are looking to play out the role 24/7, then yes, you are setting yourself to be in a subservient place in the family. Are you looking for a mother or are you looking for a partner?

Truthfully, I think it’s way healthier to keep spanking as something erotic between two consenting adults. Let’s face the facts. Spanking is something that is sexually charged. Even when it’s delivered in the form of ‘discipline and correction’ it is still an arousing experience for adult spankos.

Another way to maintain equality in the relationship is to switch roles. Both partners need to experience the joy of giving and receiving. Even if she only gets sensual love pats, it will add a dimension of equality to the relationship. I think couples should definitely switch roles in order to maintain real balance and harmony.

Dear Jacqueline,
I very much wish to thank you for such an enjoyable spanking session. I looked forward to the session with much anticipation but I never dreamed it would be so fulfilling. It far exceeded all my expectations. Never having personally met you I was somewhat anxious in not knowing what to expect. From the time you greeting me at your door you were the most gracious host. This made the session very personal and satisfying. The scenarios you created were designed specifically for me. The classroom scenario is very memorable. To be spanked by the teacher and then sent home only to receive another and even harder spanking from my mother met a long-time spanking fantasy of mine.

I had my doubts that you, being a woman, would have the ability to cause me any appreciable pain. Well, here it is almost 24 hours later and I still have a red bottom and it still hurts! Even when you spanked me with your hand, my bottom stung. I have the highest respect for your spanking ability. The times you had me across your knees and you gave me those good hard bare-bottom hairbrush spankings are an experience I will long remember.

I am already making plans to return for another session. I anticipate my next session will be even more rewarding than the one last evening.

I am enjoying the DVD you gave me. I have already watched it twice. It is professionally made, very well presented, and shows many girls being spanked. What more could I possibly want?

In closing, I want to thank you again; your ability to spank in a safe yet very effective manner is very much appreciated. I know all too well the effect of being spanked incorrectly.

Respectfully,
Mick

Dear Mick,
A doubter converted to a believer! Thank you for you kind words. It’s true, I really can spank well with my hand. It’s my own personal art in which I have practiced and developed my skill over the years. I think I’m so proficient because I truly enjoy hand spankings and for me they represent the essence of spanking.

OTK spanking is about closeness and trust. The picture in our heads is about someone lying over someone else’s lap. Their bottom is bared. They may be squirmy but they are not restrained. That’s because the person being spanked knows he deserves and has no choice but to take the punishment. When I spank with my right hand I hold down with my left. I like feeling the skin-to-skin contact between hand and buttock region. To me, there’s nothing more erotic than an OTK hand spanking. It’s what spanking is all about.

I’m so glad you had fun and plan to return. Remember subsequent sessions are even better than the first because we are no longer strangers. We don’t have to worry about meeting someone new and wondering what they will be like. We can focus on what we really want to do, which is spanking.

Dear Jacqueline,
You have a wonderful site that my husband and I have just found. It explores extremely well the need for discipline in the home for errant males.

My husband and I have been practicing domestic discipline for many years and have found it to be of tremendous benefit for keeping our relationship strong and healthy.

I punish my husband when he needs it, which can be at anytime. He had been spanked and punished in almost every room in the house. If he comes home late for supper he must bare his backside, then bend over the kitchen table to receive a spanking with one of my kitchen implements.

More serious infractions of house rules will lead him into our bedroom, or attic room where he can be tied down over a spanking bench and unmercifully paddled, whipped, strapped until I feel he has had enough.

Some of our discipline sessions can be used as foreplay, if I so choose. If sex is allowed, than he must follow my lead and demands as to just what I want him to perform for and to me.

He has been publicly disciplined in front of some of our friends, always with his panties on though. This is extreme humiliation, but a turn on for the both of us. Our friends know that we practice domestic discipline. In fact we have brought many of them into our lifestyle along the way.

Again thanks for your site. We would both appreciate your comments.
- Phyllis & Andy

Hi Guys,
What an inspirational letter for those of us who practice the lifestyle. I’m so glad that it works for you. I bet we’d all like to know how you guys met and how this has all come into fruition. Who was the ‘born’ spanko or were you both into spanking when you met?

I love to videotape and interview real lifestyle couples so if you guys are interested please contact me. I have one amazing scene on hold for an upcoming ‘Real Couples-Real Spankings’ video but I need another couple in order to complete the production. Please let me know if you are interested. I know not everyone has the means to show their face on camera but if you can, it’s so helpful to others like us. It’s really helpful for us all to know that we are not alone. Plus, it's very exciting to watch two real players go at it.

Hello Jacqueline,
I'm glad you received my letter and that it did not wind up on someone else's desk. I have never been good at expressing myself verbally, but when I write it’s different, I am able to express my feelings a lot easier. I am happy that my letter made you feel special, because you are. You're ability to recognize and understand what people are going through is a very appealing skill.

As you told me before, not every person that provides your service is on the same level as you, because you take it several steps further by actually getting to know your clients and teaching them the true meaning of spankings.

There are times when I feel like I am becoming obsessed with spankings, because I think about it more than I ever did, since I visited you. Is that normal?
- Alan

Dear Alan,
Thank you again for your email. I want you to know and really understand that I am the ONLY one who goes into my email box. No one has access to my mail except me. Every letter sent is strictly confidential. As for these postings, I ask for permission and every name is changed. I think you can see that.

I am glad I provided you a good first experience. You might feel obsessed with spanking now because it is so new. Many people hope to come for a session and then ‘get it out of their system’. Fortunately or unfortunately, the opposite is true. Most people find that they truly enjoy spanking. They leave feeling relieved that they finally did something they kept inside for so many years. If anything, most people lament ‘why did I wait for so long?’ They feel that they no longer want to deprive themselves of something that has been inside of them for so long.

I am a firm believer that the fetish of spanking will not go away. The best we can do is accepted, embrace and enjoy spanking. The only time it can get out of hand is if it is done compulsively with inappropriate people or at inappropriate times. Otherwise, a scheduled session every now and again is a harmless hobby. Some people like skiing; others like to come to Los Angeles for a spanking. My sessions are safe, sane and discrete. The only thing that can get hurt is your bottom.

Many people feel bad that they cannot share this with their partner. Some have tried only to be shunned. Others feel to embarrassed. Still many feel like this is only a small part of their lives that they prefer to keep secret. Whatever works for you is fine. It’s healing to express the part of you that likes spanking. It’s harmful to keep it bottled up inside.

Jacqueline,
Thank you for a wonderful spanking session. It far surpassed anything I could have dreamt of. I don’t even know how to describe the true joy I have experienced with finally getting a spanking I’ve been dreaming about for you.

Now that I've had some time to reflect on my first experience, I thought I'd relay some of my feelings that I have now. In particular, I think that you might like to know how I feel about particular items during the evening.

First, I did not feel any guilt! As we chatted about, this was only a spanking and there wasn't any sex involved. The feelings I had as I was leaving were really therapeutic in nature, probably not unlike what some people feel after a massage.

Next, I'm glad that you started me out with my jeans on. As you probably felt at the time, I was nervous. While I didn't really feel much of that portion of the spanking, it did give me time to start to relax. That was very important. However, future sessions probably do not need that stage.

I really enjoyed the OTK over my underpants and on my bare bottom. You are right when you mention that it is the essence of a good spanking. I particularly like when you grabbed firm control and went into a little more intense series of swats whether bare handed or with the paddle or hair brush. This portion did have a good nurturing affect. I think any future sessions need to include this.

While the OTK had strong positive, important, nurturing and satisfying spanking feelings, the times that I was bent over on the couch and chair posed different and equally important feelings. While it did not have the nurturing aspects that OTK carries, the feelings of exposure and were higher as I knew that you had more options of implements and the ability to have more "swinging" room to deliver a stronger swat. The "fear" aspect was increased and that the anticipation of each swat was heightened.

The time that I spent on the "bench" further heightened the the "exposed" feeling.

In addition, I really liked that you used a wide variety of implements on my bottom. AND! I am appreciative that your choices reflected my desire not to have lasting marks.

Finally, I really enjoyed the role-playing. You were right that it was me but not really about me! Next time, I'll remember my reading glasses.

During our discussion periods, I recall you said that it was a given that people like us always think about spanking while we masturbate and during sex. While I concede that it is always there while I masturbate, I do no recall it being there throughout sex. While it may be in my mind during the initial phase of foreplay, I do not think it is present after that as I focus on giving pleasure. Perhaps I'm an exception to the rule.

Lastly, I remember you telling me that you frequently have new people who are feverous before they see you; I experienced a wide variety of feelings before I actually pressed your doorbell but I am so glad I did.

Take care. YOU ARE A GREAT SPANKER!!! While the red is fading, the memory is not! I needed this! I enjoyed this! Thank you.
- Rick

Dear Rick,
What a sincere, very thoughtful, helpful email. It means so much to me that I provided you with a good introduction into spanking and that you left feeling good about yourself and the experience. Thank you so much for sharing those feelings with me.

I am glad that you decided to give role-playing a chance. My experience has shown me that it is the best and most sensible way to interact; especially when the two people have never met before. It really cuts through a great deal of the awkwardness of first meetings and allows for maximal play.

When we act scenarios it is not really us. We play different parts and that let’s us focus on the action at hand. We do not have to feel embarrassed because we are playing the parts of someone who is getting disciplined. It provides real reasons for the spankings within the context of the story. I think it makes more sense than trying to look for ‘reasons’ you would bring to me. These kind of things end up feeling contrived and fabricated.

I also believe that as spanking fetishists we all have our favorite spanking tales. Not only that but we have a specific age we like to be when we are spanked. I think it’s a fine way to really get into the action. Most of us also imagine being a certain age when we (or imagine someone else) getting spanked. It’s always helpful for me to know that before a session.

I hope that we will see each other again. Believe it or not, sessions get better as we get to know each other more. All ready you have more thought and input into things you would like to experience.

Hi Ms Jacqueline,
I have pretty good idea what is going through spankees mind while they are crying over some ones knee do to the fact that I have been lucky enough to have that happen. But few talk about what is going through the spankers mind while the spankee is crying. What goes through your mind while someone is crying over your knee?

Respectfully,
Brian

Dear Brian
That’s a really good question. It’s hard to make this a general answer since each experience is so different, but I will make an attempt.

Whenever anyone is over my knee, my attention is strictly on them. On a physical level I pay attention to the bottom. Many people are concerned about marks and if that is the case I am very careful to make sure the bottom is only reddening (not bruising). So I am focused on the physical part.

I also pay a great deal of attention to body language. I can tell a great deal about someone as they lay over my lap. Are they relaxing into the spanking? Clenching their cheeks? Jumping? Generally I know when someone is really getting into it and connecting on an emotional level. Likewise, I can also sense if someone is uncomfortable and I then do my best to readjust and make sure things are corrected immediately.

If someone starts to really go into an emotional state, I am very much there for them with my own reactions and words. I feel honored that someone is able to trust me on such a deep, vulnerable level. I make sure to make the person feel safe and provide a true cathartic experience. I feel good that someone is so trusting of me. I am aware that the person is connecting with emotional pain and I am very much there for them.

Hi Jacqueline,

This weather is nice but today it was a bit too warm for me. It seems like November should be a little more like fall weather.

I would like to hear your opinion about spanking parties but as you read the following you will see I am not too excited about it. This is also what I was thinking when I asked about the personal feelings related with one’s spanking partner. That attitude can only occur when there is respect between the spanking partners.

Maybe there are those who are just looking for the pain inflicted by a spanking. I have seen on the Internet people who have been brutally beaten on their bottom. To me that is not what I want to see or have done to me. The emotional feeling I receive when you spank me will only improve the more we know each other. To me, spanking is just like dating, once you spend time with someone you prefer to be with that special person.

Prior to my first session with you I never considered the importance of the relationship between spanking partners. I knew I wanted someone attractive and also someone with a caring attitude, but I didn't realize the importance of the caring aspect. Another reason why our intimate relationship is so important is that I completely trust you. My nervousness when I first met you was because I didn't know what you would be like.
- Michael

Michael,
Yes, trust is extremely important in any spanking relationship. You are giving up control when you willingly place yourself over someone’s knee. That’s why a true spanking makes one feel way more vulnerable than being in bondage. When you get spanked traditionally, you are psychologically accepting your punishment. You and the spanker are in agreement that you will be receiving pants down punishment.

Spanking parties are fun in that you see many people who have a similar love of spanking as you do. Note that I say ‘similar’ because our takes on spanking are all individual and all very unique. The spankings at these parities can be fun but are generally superficial.

The ratio of single men to single females is pretty disproportionate so you may or may not get any action. Depends on your personal social skills. If you can pick up a girl at a bar then perhaps you’ll find someone to spank you. Participants in the larger general areas are a bit exhibitionist as they enjoy having people observe their play.

The smaller gatherings in the private rooms are generally a little surreal. Imagine being over someone’s lap while that person is engaging in social conversations while smacking your bottom. Not very conducive to anything resembling intimacy but it may be something to try at least once. It’s always healing to know that you are not alone.

Dear Jacqueline,
My name is Dianne mother of 6 and grandma of 1. I recently met a football dad while my son played on the same team as his son. His son is the heart of the team and so being that my son could use some pointers I got to know this man on a friendly level.

I was told that one practice he had been checking me out while walking to my car and this peeked my interest. I met up with him one night to find we had a sexual connection. He confided in me that he loves to be spanked. I've only gone as far as threatening him with a spanking and even then I am not that confident. I also would love to have him spank me but I wouldn’t have a clue as to how to tell him this.

One more thing I am 43 225 5'7" 44DD. Are there even outfits that would help me look the part without portraying a walking sausage before I get to my goal weight?

Thank you so much for your time.
- Dianne

Hi Dianne,
Glad you contacted me. Always nice to hear from an open female who is interested in having some fun with spanking.

You know this might be a match made in heaven. I guarantee you that this man will be yours if you really take an interest in him and his love for spanking. The best way to learn what he likes is to have him do it to you. Since you all ready seem to have a personal curiosity about spanking, I would go that route.

I’d maneuver the conversation towards spanking and ask him a few questions. I’d then make a deal with him. ‘I’ll spank you if you spank me first”. Tell him you are curious and want to know what it feels like. Another fun way to get into play mode is to make a bet. ‘Loser gets a spanking.’

I believe people are beautiful in all shapes and sizes. I hate the rigid standards society places on women and how they should look.

A good outfit that would work is a nice long black skirt. They are flattering, comfortable and inexpensive. I love them. Then add a nice sexy top that shows off your spectacular chest. You'll look hot.

A word to make you feel better: with spanking play it’s all about attitude and the way you carry yourself. Be confident and strict when you top and cute and sassy when you bottom. If you indulge his love of spanking, he’ll be yours forever.

Hi Jacqueline,
I emailed you about a week ago asking about a good implement for an upcoming birthday spanking and that I was considering a plastic hairbrush that I had already.

A few people had mentioned that plastic hairbrushes are too flimsy and they break easily. Well, I had the day off today, and everyone was gone for a couple of hours, so I decided to see for myself if it would be up to the job. The plan is to be completely nude for the birthday spanking, but for the test I just removed my pants and underwear and positioned myself on the bed in about the same position that I will be in for the real spanking. I tested my aim, drew back and landed a good solid swat.

Nice sting and loud smack, but not too much impact. Looks good so far. Then I decided to see what several swats are like so I tried to give myself the full 48 swats that I will be receiving soon. By the 20th swat my bare behind was burning so much that I could not maintain my position and continue spanking myself as hard as I had started out. A half hour later, my butt is still deep red and stings like a bad sunburn when I sit.

If she is even halfway serious when she gives me my birthday spanking I am going to be reminded of the event for several hours afterwards. And I am hoping that she gives me a good workout. :)

Unless I am a lot more of a spanking lightweight than I think I am, you really should try one of those brushes. I have only been spanked once with a wooden spoon, and this brush is every bit as intense (if not more) as the wooden spoon was. It has a slightly rounded back and feels very rigid. If I didn't already know that it was hollow, I would swear that it was solid. The handle may be solid or nearly solid, as it does not flex at all. The business end is slightly smaller than the palm of my hand, about a 3" x 5" oval shape.
- Jeffrey

Dear Jeffrey,
Thanks for the tip. I always like to add new things to my collection. I personally prefer wooden hairbrushes because they look traditional. They also deliver a really solid spanking to a deserving bottom.

And speaking of hairbrushes….

Jacqueline,
I am so glad you wrote. I thought you had forsaken me. Glad to hear all is well.

The brush has been active. Catherine has told me that she plans to spank me into weight loss and more drive in my business. She hits very hard, but until recently, kept it to 20 swats. We went to away for the weekend, and out of nowhere she instructed me to present her with my belt. She bent me over the bed, stacked some pillows under my tummy and whacked away. I was in heaven! I never push, always comply, and give her lots of flowers, help, gifts, backrubs, etc.

I can tell you that she turned my ass red with no compunction, even a hint of pride! She also is getting ruthless! When I start to wriggle she uses one hand to stop me while she just keeps that thing going. I think we are having a bitch epiphany.

I believe the hairbrush you sold me is a big part of it because it is easy for her to use and she doesn’t have to worry about it being seen. Your advice has also been very helpful, and I very much appreciate it.

You have been a really wonderful person through all this. I can’t wait to meet you in person.
- Jorge

Dear Jorge,
I’m glad your wife is slowly but surely enjoying spanking. Your patience is paying off. I love that hairbrush. The handle is perfect and makes the spanking very accurate.

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