Dear Jacqueline,
After reading some letters I began to think why do I like spanking. Is it something you are born with or does it take a memorable spanking to start the desire? I remember after my first spanking, I wanted more in the future. My mother obliged!

After Mom was finished, I had a dry spell until college. I found out fraternity paddles were not just for decorations! I think it was these paddlings that led to a life long desire for spanking.

After college I married a woman who tolerated giving and receiving spankings but was not into it like myself and over the last 2-3 years has lost the desire. I'm 61 years old now and I am curious about spanking and aging. One thing I now would rather be spanked than give a spanking, the exact opposite from my younger days. Any thoughts on this switch?

Also will my desire to be spanked fade away as I become older? Just curious, what do you think the age was of the oldest customer you ever spanked?

Looking foreword to your reply.
- Richard

However you play and no matter whatever you do, remember that spanking is a fun, enjoyable activity. Embrace spanking and enjoy all the benefits!
- Jacqueline

Perhaps you can give me some advice.
- Tom

Dear Tom,
Tears are spontaneous and you can't make them your goal. If you get to a place where something touches or moves you, then you may cry. However, you need to feel really safe and you need to be in that place. Also, you need to be with someone who understands and isn't afraid to take you to that place.

I truly understand spanking and I'm not afraid to deal with human emotions. That is why I have successfully taken some men and women to tears. It doesn't happen every time and it certainly isn't often, but it does and can happen.

Dear Jacqueline,
My wife has responded negatively to my suggestions of my being lovingly disciplined by her. However, I find that I cannot even achieve orgasm without simultaneously engaging in spanking fantasies. The fantasies are usually the same. Either some woman I casually know (or knew some time ago or some well known TV anchor woman or movie star) will take down my pants and underwear and have me get across her knees and thighs. (I cannot even view a woman's knees and thighs without spanking thoughts arising immediately).

She will proceed to hand spank me at first, followed by just enough spanks with the hairbrush to remind me that should my behavior show no improvement, I would be receiving all the spanks with that implement the next time. Following my crying and begging and promising, she eventually cuddles me and embraces me with the sweetest of nurturing hugs and kisses.

I love my wife and will not discuss or suggest anything she finds repulsive, so I am probably sentenced to a dual life that only allows me the satisfaction of nurturing disciplinary spankings by a woman in my thought life. Any encouragement? Any suggestions?
- Mark

Dear Mark,
All I can say is that you are not alone. I have counseled and talked to hundreds into spanking. The fact that you connect spanking with a charged sexual turn on is a commonalty amongst all into spanking. Every spanking fetishist must at least think of spanking at the moment of orgasm. We don’t have to be doing it but we have to be thinking of it. That’s a truism and I know.

Everytime I have counseled or done a support group all men and women who are into spanking admit that something about spanking appears in their brain at the moment of orgasm. That’s why I think spanking is actually pretty cerebral. It’s great to play but as long as we have our thoughts and some spanking paraphernalia to back up our thoughts, we can exist happily in any relationship.

The best part about this – all of us into spanking will always be able to achieve orgasm. We will never need Viagra or any sexual enhancement drugs. As long as we allow ourselves to think of spanking we will climax. Other people (especially women) sometimes have trouble achieving orgasm. Not true in the spanking world.

As far as your wife, it’s not her fault for being off put about your spanking desires. People who aren't into spanking just don't understand. I think it's great that your wife is at least open to talking about spanking with you. Some people don't even want to hear about the subject.

Dear Jacqueline,
I am a wife to my husband and mother to a 5yr old son. When we were without our child I would regularly engage in spanking my husband for his bad boy behavior. It was easy because I could take him into the house and no one would hear the smacking sounds or him crying. This all changed when my son was born. I didn’t have to spank him. He seemed to have better behavior, or I was mellowing out being a mother full time. I didn't have any need to give him severe punishment.

Lately however, his behavior is getting out of control with his moodiness, excessive cursing (even in front of our son) to name a few. I feel the need to resume spanking him but don't want to do it in front of our son. The things that I have tried don't seem to work out. For example, a few weeks ago we all were at our friend's house for a barbeque when he started Getting moody and acting up (he doesn't like my friend too much).

Anyway, my friend suggested that she would watch our son while I took my husband into her minivan parked in the garage, get inside, close the door, bare his tail and give him the spanking of a lifetime where no one would hear. That was an offer I couldn't refuse, and she even gave me a thick hairbrush to use in his attitude adjustment. I took her advice and got him into the garage swatting his tail all along the way and telling him he is going to be sorry for his ill behavior.

It must have been a long time since he was spanked because I could he was aroused by the way the front of his pants pushed out. When I stripped him naked, there it was throbbing and sticking straight up in the air. I grabbed him and we both went into the back of the minivan. I began to spank him with the hairbrush and scold him. This is when I realized I had made a big mistake because he became extremely excited and made a huge mess all over the backseat of my friend's minivan.

Dear Jacqueline,
Sandy told me about her dilemma with spanking her husband now that they have children in the house. I think I may have some ideas that will help so I thought that I would write to you and see what you think. I have been spanking my husband regularly for many years now. We too have a child but that doesn't get him out of the punishment he deserves.

I found it very effective to get either a thick wood dowel or 1x1 piece of wood and use it to spank the inside of his butt cheeks (you know, the area closest to the asshole). The smacking sound is minimal and can be done in the bathroom.

When the kids are asleep. I have found this method of spanking to be more effective since the inner part of his buttocks is more sensitive (being closer to the asshole) and bruises more easily with bruise not being as visible if he goes to shower at the gym. Besides, every time his sits down, he is sitting on his bruises, which make the punishment last for about a week.

As for his crying (my husband starts to cry just after a few swats to that area), just have him cry into a pillow or something to muffle the noise. With this method, I get results and behavior modification without having to make a lot of noise bruising and reddening his tail. Just a thought.
- Jenny

Dear Sandy and Jenny,
It’s very refreshing that women are coming to my website and learning how to charge of their men. I appreciate both your emails and glad that you are helping each other. That’s true sisterhood!

Another suggestion in disciplining your man is to take him someplace away from home. I definitely feel that spanking is a private activity and should never be done in front of children.

Campers, vans and the remote outdoors are all good places. You can also try a motel as long as use a quiet implement such as the hairbrush or cane. Both these implements do not make much noise and will of course mete out effective punishment.

Dear Jacqueline,
An antique hairbrush is a classic symbol of feminine control. The irony is never lost that a cosmetic item ordinarily used to groom and enhance the erotic attraction of a woman can be employed by that same woman to express her disciplinary will. It is even more ironic when she disciplines while in undergarments, knowing full well that the message she is sending to her male is not sexual availability, but instead, feminine dominance.

She can smile and giggle as well as scold and the message is still that the male is submitting to the control of a sexy woman, just like naughty boys have always taken down their pants for the women in control of the domestic household.

The equivalent item for a male is the belt that holds up his blue jeans.
- Brad

Hi Brad,
That's a very astute comment. I fully agree that the hairbrush is a great symbolic feminine spanking device. And you know, though I never thought about it consciously, I really love giving a hairbrush spanking.

I know the kind of antique brush you are talking about and that item sends shivers down my spine. Now I have a new reason to pursue some of our local flea markets. I really a beautiful antique hairbrush now!

On the other hand, I have never been that big on the belt. I'll use it but it doesn't give me the same charge.